A Lost Love

Valentine’s day really got me in my feelings, it reminded me of my lost love. A beautiful short love experience.

I fell deeply in love with this awesome, handsome, smart, and kind guy, a great guy indeed! All I wanted at that time was to be perfect for him, I just couldn’t believe that such a guy would love and want me genuinely.

I soon started obsessing perfection on my part, I just wanted him to see me as a worthy person, one deserving of him. I became too careful in everything I did that, I started to lose myself. I hated any correction from him, it made me feel so unworthy, unwanted and unappreciated by him. I always told myself that one day he would want better and I wont be his choice anymore.

I became a pain in the relationship, every joke felt like insult, every correction like mockery, the poor guy was always confused and would always apologize. I guess, he really wanted the relationship to work.

Things got worse, I became close minded and closed off, I stopped communicating with him because I felt little and not good enough for him or for anyone at that point. I guess, he got tired of everything and stopped trying too.

This would have been a beautiful relationship but I jeopardized it, I was very angry at myself for a while but now I’m glad I learned from this experience.

The problem sometimes might be us, I was the problem in my relationship. I lacked self love and that was why I felt undeserving of good things. I lacked self value and esteem and that was the reason corrections made me feel unworthy and unappreciated.

I lost an awesome guy because I didn’t love myself enough and there was just no way I could love him too because my love tank was indeed empty at that time.

Dear you, I told my story to remind you that its possible for you to be the reason for your failures probably in your career or relationships. I told my story to remind you that you cannot love anyone except you love yourself, you cannot experience happiness if you are not happy with you. so, make sure you are not the one ruining the beautiful things you have going on in your life.

I want you to know that you are enough and worthy of everything good that comes your way. Learn self love, work on your self esteem and confidence. They will help you detach yourself from things not meant for you while you embrace the ones deserving of you.

Love yourself enough to acknowledge that you are not perfect, love yourself enough to accept you while you work to become a better you.

I made this mistake and it did cost me my fairy tale. I hope you learn from me.